I am, therefore I think

I haven't blogged for ages.  My dedicated, though disappointed followers may have noticed.  So there will be two questions in your mind, I'm sure.  Firstly, why have I been away for so long?  Secondly, what has prompted this resurgence in blogging?
I shall try to answer both questions in one go and therefore introduce today's blog.  A message popped up in my inbox the other day.  Someone with the curious name of Anonymous had posted a comment in my previous blog saying:
"Only just read this. Sounds Like You Think WAYY too much?"
Now, ignoring the excess of Ys in way, what is man to do when he receives such a comment?  I'll tell you what he does.  He sits and thinks about it.  And do you know, Anonymous is right.  Which led me to thinking some more.  Is all this thinking a good or bad thing?  I don't mean procrastination for its own sake, that's not healthy.  I mean proper thinking with potential results.  I remember back to when I was working in electronic communications and we used to have technical meetings with technical people that would last 6 or 7 hours at a time.  At the time, we had a contractor working with us, we shall call him Paul (largely because that was his name).  We would sit in the meeting discussing a particular issue and Paul would sit there saying nothing.  Thinking.  You could see the man think.  He would even graze on the limp sandwiches that were wheeled in thoughtfully.  Then, about 15 minutes from the end of the meeting, he would get to his feet, cutting across the meeting, armed with a white board marker pen and sketch out the entire solution that no-one else was close to after 6 hours of talk.  Right, thanks Paul, meeting over.  That's some good thinking.


Then there is the other sort of good thinking.  I'm talking Plato, Socrates, Voltaire, and any other philosopher that comes to mind.  Great thinkers.  I may have found my perfect career.  These guys just sat and philosophised.  They thought for a living.  They came up with great perceived wisdom.  And the very best thing; you could be terribly vague and because of the hypothetical nature of the business, you won't be proved wrong.  Or if you are you can counter it by being philosophical.
These people also spawned many quotes that you may have come across at some time, in closing, let me share a couple with you:



“Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do” (Voltaire)
"Thinking: the talking of the soul with itself." (Plato)
And, finally, from one of the greatest thinkers of all time "Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?" (Winnie The Pooh)

Sporting Prowess

It may have escaped your attention, but some time around now, a whole bunch of footballists are having a bit of a kick about in the sun and after four weeks they will decide who is best.  Except if the country you support doesn't win in which case be prepared for such comments as "we was robbed".  Now, I don't really follow football so as a result know absolutely nothing about it.  Except one thing.  Under no circumstances ever should the players of this sport be ever ever allowed to speak in public.   Maybe whisper it to an English speaking interpreter who can elucidate or at the very least speak English.  Allow me to demonstrate from a radio interview I heard on the radio today.  To set the scene, Johnny Sports Saunders, esteemed Radio 2 sports presenter explained that some player had been injured in an incident with one of his team mates during a routine training session, friendly fire if you will.  The ensuing comment by the injury causing player went something like this:

"So I said to him Sorry mate, there was nuffink I coud do about it and he said "It's alright mate, there was nuffink you could do about it".

It's absolute poetry I'm sure you will agree.

This blog, however, isn't here to moan or rant about the world cup, the never ending TV coverage, the pubs being turned over to World Cup venues, those bloody silly flags on people's cars, football results taking the news headlines or a million and one other irritations.  In fact, I have to thank the opening of the World Cup for such a clear drive home today.

Then, of course, at the other end of the spectrum there is the school and grass roots sport.  Remember back to your school days.  If you can.  Were you the 'jock', always chosen first or the bookish one left till last?  Or worse, if the games teacher knew you were always picked last he may elect you as one of the team captains in a kind of inclusive patronising type of way.  Now the dilemma.  Would you pick your equally bookish mates and risk humiliating defeats or the athletic kids and risk alienating yourself from your mates?  I went to a rugby orientated school and wore glasses.  The two don't go together well and my rugby career was put on hold for some ten years until I wore contact lenses and went to play for a team where the pitch was flooded for half the season and frozen solid for the other half.  I never really did get to grips with the rules either.  Many games the referee would be shouting "Number four, your off-side in the ruck" or words to that affect.  It took me about three seasons to sort this out.  The first season was just realising that I was number four and resisting the urge to respond "I am not a prisoner, I am a free man".  Still bookish.  Or at least slightly surreal.
Football was another game altogether.  I was quite a good defender or goal keeper when I was allowed to stay on the pitch but apparently kneecapping isn't in the rules.

Essentially though, I have always been better at solo sports so I don't embarrass team mates.  I was a good cross country runner at school but my real sport has always been cycling, you don't have to rely on a team unless you are proper good and know what you're doing.  Which I'm not and I don't.  In fact, some people have commented that I am half good at cycling, so I am now the proud owner of half a bike.  My good lady has bought me a unicycle as a birthday present but it has taken ages to get it delivered.  Therefore, this weekend, I shall be mostly making a tit of myself and causing injury.

Teaching to cycle or drive

I ride a bicycle.  In fact, I ride a bicycle quite a lot.  If you have read my other blog you will be aware that I ride my bicycle sometimes for long distances and on roads that are quite busy and sometimes have lots of scary traffic on them.  In addition, everybody in our household also rides a bicycle and we rather enjoy it.
Last weekend, we went shopping to Tesco in the car.  Not unremarkable, it happens most weekends.  And, in common with many weekends we got home and said "bugger, just look at all this stuff we forgot to buy".  Totally undeterred, I decided to link the idea of riding my bicycle with collecting the other stuff from Tesco.  My daughter, Victoria (aged 9) came with me on her very funky, recently acquired 1980s proper girls pink Raleigh 'racer'.  Being quite the demon cyclist, it seemed appropriate to give her a little coaching on going round roundabouts so I chose the one that leads on to Tesco at Quedgeley as it isn't terribly busy and the exit before ours is a bit blocked because of the traffic lights holding up the traffic.  We take the proper approved Highway Code route for the learner or nervous cyclist, round the outside, only to be cut up by a woman (yes, really, I'm not just being sexist) going nowhere into the stopped exit.  We took evasive action, there was no drama but I did suggest to the lady that she ought to look where she was going.  She retorted "You should be wearing a helmet".
Now, I do own a helmet.  It is 15 years old and immaculate.  I don't want to do the whole helmet argument here except to say that until that moment, I was firmly with the no to helmet legislation camp.  I have now learnt my lesson.  There I was thinking they were a pretty useless lump of polystyrene but no.  I have learnt the error of my ways.   This woman has taught me a valuable lesson.  They are - Harry Potter eat your heart out- a reverse invisibility cloak.  She couldn't see me without one.
This could have so many ramifications.  Imagine those times when you are stood at the bar for hours waiting to be served, you must be invisible - wear your cycle helmet, the bar staff will now see you no doubt.  Although the bouncers may see you first.

In other news, I am still learning to teach people to drive.  I have now had some 24 hours tuition with my instructor (and now Facebook friend) Dave.  Dave obviously isn't invisible.  He has a whole digital TV channel named after him.  The training is invaluable.  I need forty hours before I am allowed to apply for my trainee instructor licence and start teaching but without this excellent tuition I would be stuffed.  Dave is a good chap and an excellent tutor, we do have a similar sense of humour, possibly borne out of a common geekiness.  The training, make no bones about it, is hard work.   Don't think you could go to a training company, pay your fee and be an instructor, it just won't work.  I think I have forgotten or at least take more for granted about how to drive than I could have known before a couple of weeks ago. 
All this talk of invisibility puts me in mind of one of my instructing faux pas.  I will say "Be aware" or "mind out for" that pedestrian.  To Johnny learner one needs to be far more explicit "Be ready to slow, stop or change direction for the pedestrian in case they walk into the road"
My instructor goes to great lengths to point out that you can be 'aware' of aforementioned pedestrian as they bounce off your bonnet, the roof and land in a heap behind you.  Still, it's their own fault.  They should wear a helmet so we, the motorist, can see them.

Next time you are doing a three point turn or reversing into a parking space, try and pretend you are teaching someone that has never tried it before.  Still, hopefully, watch this space, we should be up and running soon enough so, if you're after some high quality driving instruction it shouldn't be long now.

Nerd, Geek

Before I start today's blog, I need to make an addendum to my last blog.  If you read the comment, you may be wondering about the comment Darrel left.  If this is the story that I suspect it is, it goes back several years. 
I received a call from a conservatory sales company in the days when I was young and too polite to tell them to piss off straight away.  The chap was not taking no for an answer so I invited him to come round and measure up, quote me and whatever else they do.  When he arrived, he was quite cross with me.  He seemed to think I was wasting his time.  Why would he think that?  I lived in a first floor flat at the time.  I never did get my quote.

The purpose of this blog, however, is to share one of my fears with you.  I fear I may be a nerd.  It may be something genetic or an illness I picked up some time.  Try as I might, my nerdiness seems to surface whatever I do.  I may need help.

Why this dilemma?  As you know, I was made redundant from a proper techy nerd type job and company and vowed never to get back into the IT business.  As a result, I am doing some very non-IT related stuff.  Training as a driving instructor and working for a property landlord.  Doesn't get much less techy, just what I wanted.  However, a couple of weeks ago my boss approached me:

"Russ"
"Yes boss"
"According to your CV you've got a techy background"
"....yes...."
"I want someone to revamp the computer system across the office, bring it all in together.  You interested?"
Tricky one this.  From day one geek in me wanted to get in to the infrastructure, pull it out and rebuild it.  Now it's being offered to me on a plate but I want out of the IT industry.
"I'll give it some thought"

No Russ, you won't give it very much thought will you?  You know full well that you will do it.  And why will you do it?  Is it purely for the money?  Is it because you can't say no to your boss?  Of course not.  It is because somewhere deep inside no matter how hard I try there is a geek, a nerd trying to make himself known.  It is an addiction for which there is no cure.  No NHS quit geeking programme.  If you give up smoking, you can get patches and stuff to help wean you off nicotine.  You can get scripts to help withdrawal from hard drugs but there is no patch that leaks a bit of nerdiness into your blood stream to wean you off computers.
The rational me has had a go at justifying this.  I am not a nerd.  I am not a geek.  Of course, I am just doing someone a favour because I can aren't I?
I have started.  A good friend of mine, Tony is assisting.  I have identified a server and a few other components which are now on order and, do you know what?  I fear I'm quite enjoying it.  In fact, I'm rather looking forward to delivery day, not excited in a Christmas or birthday sort of way you understand.  But I know why I'm enjoying it over previous proper geek jobs.  It is a small company without acres of bullshit, I am, effectively my own boss and the only technical person on site and, to someone totally non-technical, anyone with any level of technical ability is revered as a god.

And that dear reader is the crux of the matter.  Geek to deity in one easy step.

I'll let you know how it goes maybe in this blog.  In the meantime, I'm considering renting myself out as rent-a-geek.